There’s a saying “Pinch the ear from the front or bring your hand from behind they both hurt the same.”
Either, you say it, “Baby I want you to become doctor because I once aspired to be one” or you keep pushing, “I believe medicine is the best science in the history of mankind, doctors are angels, in fact it’s the one occupation that will last forever.”
In both cases you are burdening your child to carry and fulfill your failed dreams.
The failed dream can be anything like a desired occupation, a specific status, or a recognized talent.
Hopefully, today there are not many parents who are making this blunder with their children but still there are parents who think of their children only as an extension of themselves and want to possess their children’s aspirations and limit their freedom of thought and become masters of their fate.
If you are doing this then you are not following the golden rule of sensible parenting which is; parents should be guiding and not controlling.
Of course parents are also human beings and they too commit mistakes, they have their own sets of failures, guilt, and fears. But mistakes are meant to be learn’t from and rectify them in the future.
If you failed to achieve your dream due to whatever reasons, it was your life and if today you have regrets you must never see your child as a sign of hope for your achievements.
For a moment just give a thought to this. You see that your daughter speaks so well, she loves the stage; you know it she can do great at public speaking or theater but you won’t admit it.
You want your daughter’s talents to work in another direction. You want to see her in a surgeon’s gown. Your eyes light up brightly the moment you think of it and of the pride it will bring to you.
What you are doing here is not only denying the truth, you are also cheating on yourself and your child. You only see what your eyes want to see and you have narrowed down your ability to think and accept.
How the child is affected
• You degraded her choice. ( A step towards demoralization)
• Limited her ability to think creatively.
• You are crushing her dreams.
• Your child will lose faith in you.
• You emphasize on the end result and hence putting an end to the learning process. (Let children make their own choices, when children are given the freedom to choose they learn eagerly and take their creativity to a higher level).
• Your child definitely gets distant from you.
You see your child as your own reflection and why wouldn’t you? After all she’s your own blood. But sometimes parents get too carried away and start possessing their children. Such possession gives the impression of barred chains on a child’s freedom to think.
Usually it’s teenage when children are mostly confused to decide what to do.
This stage is a very vulnerable one and parents must act smartly or their children would end up in the wrong direction, but acting smart doesn’t mean being clever for your own selfish reasons.
A good parent will always assess and also scrutinize their child’s personality and always give a listening ear to them. And as parents one definitely knows what their child is meant to be. Therefore it’s your job to guide and help your child to achieve her dream.
I’m not saying parents should totally leave their children on their own and don’t give their suggestion or opinions, I’m saying that parents should never try to use their children as an achiever of their dreams, and even if some children do fulfill their parents dreams, there’s a chance these children would want their offspring to fulfill their lost dreams.
If you are doing this as a parent just think for a moment “What about her own dreams?”
Your child is a different entity; she belongs to you but is not your possession. Try to see her as an individual with her own unique personality. And remember its satisfaction and happiness that matters most to human beings.
And also it’s not necessary that your definition of a successful life matches with her’s.
* What are your suggestions on this?
*Are you being a parent like this or did you have parents who tried to push you in a particular field? And what was your reaction?